Ok, I'm sitting in class again. It's really hard trying to listen to this one professor. He has that monotone, mumbly, old-man voice, which is a cue for go to sleep or shop online to avoid falling asleep. I want to get to the cake part in my Helena story before spring break officially begins so here I go!
In our P2 year, I did really awesome in this pharmacokinetics class. In fact, I made a really good grade on one of the tests in that class, and I was so happy about it. Pretty much the next day, which was a Wednesday, Helena flat out ignored me. We had lab together. Ignored me again. We actually had a fire alarm drill so we all had to get out of the building. The P1s had to come out as well, and I saw Helena go up to Katie so I went up to Katie. I tried to say hi to Katie, but Helena pretty much bombarded the conversation, moved around so her back was to me the whole time, and prevented me from really being able to say hi to Katie. Awesome. Thursday- ignored me again. Friday afternoon- she decides to talk to me. She asks if I want to go out to eat dinner at this BBQ restaurant. I say ok.
What does she tell me? Oh, news that anyone would love to hear. This abomination of a French guy named Farouk apparently was spreading rumors about me that I had cheated on the test. Yes, he sat next to me, and I almost felt like he kept looking at my laptop screen during the whole time we were taking the test. I guess he really was looking at my screen. She then tells me that the guys in the row behind me were telling her the same thing, mainly Tom. Tom said he saw me open an Excel spreadsheet with answers on it at the beginning of the exam, but he didn't see anything during the exam. Yes, I opened the same file that I use for everything- all my homework and quizzes were done in this one file, and I used a new tab each time. I just found it to be easier to keep it all in the same place instead of having hundreds of separate files. So, I did what I usually do. I opened the file and made a new, blank tab to take the test with.
I didn't cheat at all. I knew that material really well because I studied hard for it. Farouk said he saw me flip back and forth between the tabs during the test. Wow, time to get some glasses there, Farouk.
I didn't really know what to think; I may have been still processing the whole situation, but it probably looked like I was handling it well. But here's the kicker: Helena told me that when she heard I had cheated, she cried. She really cried. She said she couldn't believe that I would do such a thing. She cried. WOW. It made me think, "WHAT?" Why would she cry? After all this time, all the days we hung out, studied together, ate together, she still didn't know me at all? After I became friends with Nick, I told him that I noticed he sort of ignored me too that day in lab. He said he didn't know how to act, but even though he didn't know me all that well, he didn't really believe I had cheated. Helena said she couldn't believe it and that she didn't know what to think or who to believe because all those people were telling her they saw me cheat. Okay, then. Come talk to me. Ask me if I did. Don't ignore me the whole week.
The next day I cried.
It was weird. When evening came, I just started crying so uncontrollably. I got on facebook and started talking to my best friend. Helena started chatting with me, and when she found out I was crying she decided to come over. I guess I really didn't care because I was just so upset. In my mind, I kept thinking over and over about how I have NO friends, and it really hurt. I don't know if anyone else has ever felt that way- to just know in your heart that you have no real friends. Fake friends. Fake, fake, fake. Actually, fake friends is an oxymoron. By definition a friend is someone you can count on and trust. Oh, adjectives. We have to add adjectives to everything. Anyway, she did come over and said the most inane thing to me. She said, "I'm sorry. If I were a better friend, I feel like you wouldn't be crying like this."
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