Come What May

I have not written here in a while.  It's already the end of May, and I've almost finished the second week of my rotations.  Man, eight hours a day for five days a week is tough.  I'm at Walgreens, working retail.  Today especially was a little tough.  I filled prescriptions most of the day, and it was so boring.  It was the longest day ever.  And on top of that, my preceptor was so patronizing.  Bah.  Enough of that.

Almost every day that I come home from rotation, I'm tired.  I also want some time to myself.  I realize that I'm an introverted person, and I need some time by myself to recharge.  It takes me a whole lot of energy to spend so much time with people, being busy, and doing work.  Extroverted people tend to gain energy by talking to people and spending time with people, but I am inversely proportional to that.  I lose energy.  So I am really glad to come home and be by myself, which I haven't felt in a long time.  Most of the time since starting pharmacy school I've felt the need to not be alone.  Then through some very difficult months, I've learned I can't just spend time with random people to fill a hole in my life.  I started to wonder if it was okay that I felt this way because God should fill me up.  He should be enough, and He is enough, but He also tells us that we were not meant to be alone.  We need others because we are His body, and I know that I need my brothers- and sisters-in-Christ.

At the same time, I know that I cannot spend too much time with people who don't know Christ.  I know how selfish and evil my own heart is- how much more selfish and evil is the heart of someone who doesn't have the Holy Spirit in them?  Then my next thought was about how I don't have that support here.  I was just starting to become closer to my lifegroup back in Amarillo, and then I had to move.  I've been here in Dallas for a year now, and I tried to get connected in a church, but that didn't really pan out.  I knew that I was in the wrong church, and God clearly showed me that.  I think I know what church I should go to now, but I'm a little scared since this church is smaller than I'm used to.  I guess I feel weird not being able to go to church and be anonymous if I want, but that isn't the life Christ meant for us to live anyway.  We were meant to be in community and really know each other.

The worship was amazing.  I felt the Holy Spirit move.  His presence was so strong during worship, and the music just spoke to me.  The pastor was okay, and this is where I'm debating.  I really like the pastor at another church, and this church is bigger but not necessarily better because the congregation is made up of Dallas socialites who think going to church on Sundays is something you have to do.  I shouldn't be torn.  I should just go to the church I think I should be at because I feel myself slipping.  I'm not around Godly people all day, and I know that I need to be connected to more people who love God and will love me.  I need someone to remind me of His grace when I forget it.  I need someone to tell me to read His word when I don't want to.  I need someone to be a tangible exemplification of His love and encouragement when I'm down.  Lord, please pour your supernatural, amazing grace over my relationships.

Frustration

So this morning I was supposed to see the dentist.  It was actually my friend's brother, but it turns out that they don't take my insurance.  Awesome.  And when I got there, the lady at the front desk tells me that I'm not even scheduled.  Even more awesome.  Apparently, the guy who took down my appointment wrote in another name that rhymed with my name.  I was just so annoyed.  He was so careful asking how to spell my street address but not my name.  Seriously?  If he had written down my name correctly, he would've been able to check my insurance, found out that they don't take my insurance, and I wouldn't have had to drive there twenty minutes and back.  I was really looking forward to getting my teeth checked out.  That was precious time I could've spent studying since I have finals coming up and all.  Ah, such is life.  C'est la vie.  [insert another cliche].

Speaking of frustration, I've been breaking out so badly.  It's the painful-to-the-touch type of acne, and although it's been a couple of weeks, it hasn't gone away.  A couple of them died, but then newer ones cropped up to replace them so the net effect is still the same.  I went to Ulta to get a concealer, but I wanted an all natural one so I decided to take the advice of the sales girl and try my mineral foundation with a concealer brush.  I tried it before, and it always seems to look too cakey, but this time I'll use moisturizer to sort of make a liquid paste.  Oh well.  This at least gives me the opportunity to try out new skincare items, which I really like.  I mean, I really like skincare.  It's weird.  It's a good thing I'm going to be a pharmacist.  I was thinking that if I worked at a grocery pharmacy or even Walgreens (but hopefully not CVS), I could help out so many people with their skin issues.  I know a lot of teenagers could use the help, but I guess if they're at the pharmacy, they're picking up some kind of prescription acne treatment.