Man, I haven't been able to sleep lately. I almost feel like a vampire. I can't tell the difference between night and day anymore. I think it's because I'm stressed about school. I have two finals on Monday and Tuesday next week, and one of them is oncology. So many cancers, so little time. I wish I could learn faster. Sometimes I google "how to study" in a vain attempt to discover something new and magical, some new learning technique I haven't tried yet. To save you some time, many of the websites/blogs tell you the same things. They're perfectly good skills, but nothing new.
I know that a part of me is just super tired from the not sleeping, but I do feel weak and weary. I desperately wish that I had some Christian friends at school. And I mean genuine Christians. Most people believe that as long as you go to church, you're a Christian. Wrong. Others think that if you simply believe in God, you're a Christian. Wrong again. The devil believes in God, doesn't he? In fact, he knows God exists. He works against God and His people. So does that make the devil a Christian? Definitely not. A true Christian (and it's sad that I have to add the word "true" in front of "Christian") is someone who believes with all their heart, mind, body, and soul that Christ died for them on the cross for all of their past, present, and future sins so that she could have a relationship with God and that Christ is God who came down to earth in our form. Yes, the concept of the Holy Trinity is hard to grasp for me and for many people, but we're simply not able to comprehend it yet. This is where faith comes in. You have to believe and act on that belief, which is what faith is.
All that you have to do is pray to God that you believe in Him and Christ, and you become a new person. You are no longer spiritually dead inside because the Holy Spirit (the third person in the trinity) comes to you and inhabits the place that goes deeper than your soul. And according to scripture, God is peace. He is the Prince of Peace. And it's so true. I feel God mostly through peace. The way I can tell that someone else is a true believer is through sensing His peace all around them. I think that's what I miss a lot in my school life. I miss having people around me that I can just sit next to and feel peace. People that are considerate, caring, respectful, and just plain loving because God's spirit lives within them not because they want people to like them or they want something from you. People that won't be secretly thinking bad things about you while you're talking to them. Before I was a Christ-follower, I always had negative thoughts in my head. Always. I thought, "He was ugly" or "She was stupid" or "This person's annoying". All the time.
After I told God, "Hey, I believe in You. I believe Your son died for me on the cross. I want to have a relationship with You," I changed. I became a new person with a new mind. Those negative thoughts didn't plague my soul anymore. I had no more thoughts like those. Of course, I still notice things. I still notice when a guy's cute and when he's not. I still notice when people say dumb things. I feel like I've fallen off the wagon a bit because I dwell a little more on the negative thoughts than I used to especially with Helena, the girl that used to be my "friend". I should really cut her some slack because she has a lot of mental and emotional issues. Lord, help me.
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